.finding nerdy: part i.

now that it’s more than two years later and i have caught him firmly in my web of weird, i think it’s time everyone hear the story of how i met steve a.k.a. my nerdy professor.

(web of weird: n. the combined essence and manner by which one lures and ensnares her future spouse e.g. spouting big words, roasting vegetables, and quoting 90s kids’ films, such as d2, or more recent works of art, such as napoleon dynamite)

but before i tell you about my nerd, i must tell you about tindergate.

(tindergate: n. the combined events and outcomes of online dating–in its many platforms and apps a.k.a. tinder, bumble, okcupid–that the author had to endure but, like, most of it was her own fault)

first of all, none of this is my fault.

it’s fall 2017. i’ve graduated with a master’s degree in school counseling, and i’m a whole year into–let me tooteth my horn–rocking the whole single, young professional thing, a.k.a. i have a job where i get paid an actual salary through direct deposit–no more stuffing singles in my clothes (i was a waitress, you pervs!).

plus i have an official nametag and my own office with another nametag on the wall, and a window. like, it’s an embarrassment of riches, but with an embarrassment of riches, comes a real heap of discomfort i.e. wearing real pants and a bra every day.

it’s all good. really good! but there comes a time in every single, young professional’s life, where you realize everyone else has something to talk about at lunch besides work….and you don’t.

“what did you do this weekend?”
“besides take my pants and bra off? alone?”

plus, you realize, that if you don’t contribute something, quick-like, all you’re ever gonna hear is yucky medical and childbirth anecdotes, and sorry, but i do want to have kids someday, and this is not helping.

also, it’s like october and i figure winter is coming soon, and wouldn’t it be nice to cuddle with someone? am i right, or what?

i am late to the party. like, so late, it’s not even fashionable, but i download tinder.